Alarming Discovery

ME: (Woken up by the sound of an Air Raid Siren) Robert? Robert? (No answer) Patrick could you come in here there’s some sound in my room.

PATRICK: It’s Robert’s alarm clock.

ME: Really?

PATRICK: Yes, I’ll turn it off. Should I start breakfast now?

ME: No I’m going back to sleep.

(10 Minutes later it goes off AGAIN… I start pushing various buttons it won’t go off… Robert comes in with Lulu… they’ve been out for a walk)

HIM: Oh honey I’m SO sorry. I woke up early, decided to take the dog for a walk and I forgot to turn off the alarm.

ME: How long have you had this thing?

HIM: You mean my alarm clock?

ME: Yeah.

HIM: 25 years.

ME: What? How come I’m just finding out about it?

HIM: Because I always wake up and turn it off before it wakes you up.

ME: Well you gotta get rid of it. It traumatized me.

HIM: I can’t get rid of my alarm clock.

ME: Sure you can. When I was in the monastery, they didn’t allow alarm clocks… you had to use subconscious suggestion to wake your self up. I’ve always used this technique when I needed to wake up at a specific time.

HIM: When’s the last time you had to wake up at a specific time?

ME: 1975, no wait, 1983, no wait 1991, yeah 1991 when we had to go to Japan

HIM: It was 1994 and I woke you up that morning. The alarm clock stays.

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