HIM: Good morning.
HIM: What’s wrong? Are you still mad about your fins?
ME: What fins?
HIM: That’s what I like about you… the attention span of a ADD gnat.
ME: Don’t bother me I have a lot on my mind. Michigan opens in the Big Ten Tournament today.
HIM: Stop the world.
ME: I can’t handle disappointment. I’m nervous, anything could happen.
HIM: Michigan losing a basketball game is not disappointment. Disappointment is having an erection and running into a wall and breaking your nose first.
ME: Unless you’re Jewish.
HIM: You’re so racist. Anyway what time is this game?
ME: 3:30, that’s why I have to get all of my work done early.
HIM: 3:30? You’re going to have to tape it.
ME: Are you on crack?
HIM: The Swiss Embassy is having a birthday party for Doris Ritzi this afternoon. She’s turning 94.
ME: Tell her I couldn’t make it.
HIM: She’ll be very disappointed.
ME: She’s 94 she won’t be disappointed for long.
HIM: (Giving me THAT I’ll screw with you heavily and frequently if you don’t comply look) You’re going.
ME: Fine! I HATE Switzerland.
HIM: (laughs) I’m going to the promenade to get something for Doris
ME: Could you pick up a Y chromosome for yourself while you’re there.