The Phone Rings…
HIM: Hi honey… I just called to say hi.
ME: Do NOT SPEAK to me.
HIM: What’s wrong?
ME: I’m cleaning out and organizing the refrigerator… and I would like to know WHY you have 3 jars of peanut butter open and two jars of pasta sauce open and both of them half eaten… what kind of person does that? A fiend! That’s what kind of person!
HIM: (lying) I didn’t do it.
ME: Don’t lie to me… You make my head hurt.
HIM: Well the refrigerator is so cluttered sometimes I just can’t find things… so I open a new one.
ME: I would NEVER do something like that.
HIM: Cause you would never leave anything half eaten…
ME: I leave plenty of things half eaten.
HIM: Name one.
ME: Don’t play with me. If you want something to play with go to Toys R Us and buy something… BUT DO NOT PLAY WITH ME… I AM DANGEROUS!!!!!
HIM: Look, when you went back to school… I kept the house impeccably clean… and I didn’t have Patrick to help me… and I did not complain. Now you clean one thing in 24 years and you’re coming unglued. Why don’t you have Patrick do it… and take a chill pill.
ME: Because I am becoming more involved in the cleaning of this house.
HIM: You’re such a bitch.
ME: And you’re such a good judge of character.