The Seven Deadly Sins

HIM: Can I ask you some dumb questions?
ME: Better than anyone I know
HIM: What do you think about the 7 Deadly Sins?
ME: We’re Catholic… technically we have 9.
HIM: Why?
ME: Cause God knows us better… I dunno… we just do.
HIM: What are they?
ME: Lust, Greed, Sloth, Acedia, Wrath, Envy, Pride, Vainglory, and the last one escapes me…
HIM: Gluttony.
ME: Oh yeah, always forget that one.
HIM: No comment.
ME: Hahahaha… I’m not alone, put some ice cream or cheesecake in front of the average person and see what you get (we laugh)
HIM: What the hell is acedia?
ME: See this is why you should have taken Latin. It’s the neglect to take care of something that you should do. It’s closely related melancholic apathy, but acedia is associated with the behavior, whereas melancholy is associated with the underlying emotion. Now from a neuro basis—
HIM: Stop enough. I got it. So how is pride a deadly sin. Pride is a good thing.
ME: No this is the papal definition, Pride as in the need to be more important than others.
ME: So why were you thinking about the 7 deadly sins.
HIM: Oh, you were sleeping and I started thinking about you, and it seemed like a natural segue.
ME: I need to check the ingredients in your sunblock.
HIM: You have to admit you are like the Queen of the 7 Deadly sins.
ME: (Livid) I don’t have these sins.
HIM: Vainglory? You have a trophy case. Sloth? Look at this room. Envy? When Julia went to the White House to have dinner with the Obamas you almost gave birth, Lust? One word: U-Porn.
ME: Well I’m not the one who sired a child out of wedlock.
HIM: Never going to stop beating that drum.
ME: NEVER… And I don’t have greed.
HIM: Oh please, maybe not about money, but you’re greedy about other things… like Ribs.
ME: That’s not greed, that’s gluttony.
HIM: NO that’s greed, and gluttony. Show me a rib sale.. and I’ll show you greed… and gluttony when you get the stuff home. Pride, how many times have I heard you say, “It’s not Mr. Gordon, it’s Dr. Gordon”
ME: Well it is.
HIM: I know, I’m just saying…
ME: Oh yeah, well you left out wrath… So let me show you some WRATH!!!!!

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