ME & LULU (Our OE Sheepdog)
HER: Woof Woof (Wake your fat ass up)
ME: Lulu go away!
HER: Woof Woof (I said wake up!)
ME: Robert! Robert! Deal with this dog!
HER: Woof Woof (Daddy left an hour ago, you spoiled lazy twit!)
ME: Robert gets on my nerves he spoils the hell out of you and I HAVE to deal with it.
HER: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof (I’m spoiled? I’m spoiled? You wouldn’t last ONE day as a dog. You’re not cute, fun or cuddly… but Purina would be making bank if YOU were a dog)
ME: WHAT do you want?
HER: (Woof, Woof Woof) What do I always want ever morning? I want my breakfast kibble… NOW)
ME: Lulu SIT!
HER: Woof (You sit!)
ME: Why can’t you be like Dempsey?
HER: Woof Woof Woof Woof (Cause Dempsey’s a male dog and I’m a bitch)
ME: You’re no Lassie.
HER: Woof Woof (And you’re no June Lockhart. but me and Daddy have to make this work)
ME: (Feeding her) And I suppose I’ll have to take you for a fkn walk!
HER: Woof Woof Woof! (And I suppose I’ll have to fkn pretend like I’m the one on a leash)