Earthquake Preparedness

ME: Wake up! I have to talk to you about something important. I want a divorce.

HIM: WHAT?

ME: April Fools!

HIM: That’s not Funny. (Groggily) Is it April Fools today?

ME: Yes,

HIM: No wonder you’re up and excited. It’s your 2nd favorite holiday.

ME: How could you not know it’s April Fools

HIM: The same way I could not know how many shopping days are left to Thanksgiving… Your other Favorite Holiday.

ME:Yeah I never understood that in you.

HIM: Of course not sweetie, because where you live… the busses just don’t go.

ME: So it’s weigh day, I’m down another 11 pounds!

HIM: Congratulations, I guess.

ME: What do you mean?

HIM: Well I’ve been the more weight you lose… the more wrinkles you get.

ME: WHAT?

HIM: April Fools!

ME: That’s NOT funny.

HIM: Yeah, it’s pretty funny.

ME: Is this really an April Fool’s joke?

HIM: Maybe, maybe not.

ME: You have NO morals! Get the Earthquake Survival Kit.

HIM: Why?

ME: Because that’s where I keep my Zadro Extra Bright 8x/1x Omni Light magnification mirror.

HIM: WHAT? In our Emergency Earthquake Survival Kit?

ME: Relax we still have that lame emergency kit you made

HIM: With things like bandages, water, dried foods, flash lights, candles… what’s in YOUR emergency kit?

ME: DUH it’s an Emergency Kit… I have Emergency supplies in it..My mirror, make up, booze, some earrings, a wig and some assorted bandanas…

HIM: And how are THOSE things going to help you in an Earthquake?

ME: Three words: Damsel In Distress.