Family Jewels

HIM: Good morning. You tossed and turned and talked in your sleep.

ME: I was having a nightmare about war between Israel and Iran…and Obama.

HIM: You dream about Obama every night.

ME: I do NOT and that’s a different dream.

HIM: I had a nightmare too.

ME: Really? What’d you dream about….

HIM: My Lifeguard station was moved to a planet that had two suns and I had no sun screen.

ME: Something else is bothering you.

HIM: It’s my friend at work. He’s fallen hopelessly in love and asked this girl to marry him.

ME: What’s wrong with that?

HIM: He spent two month’s salary on a wedding ring.

ME: That’s GREAT.

HIM: That’s Terrible! He could have gotten a MUCH cheaper ring. We all tried to tell him. I told him to buy a cheap antique and say it was a family heirloom.

ME: That’s just like you guys. Wait… Is that what you did?

HIM: (Silent)

ME: THAT IS what you did isn’t it?

HIM: Well it’s a good thing it wasn’t an heirloom you threw it down the garbage disposal during one of our big fights.

ME: Yeah and you were supposed to pick it out. and beg me to put it back on… BUT NO…. YOU TURNED THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL ON!

HIM: (We laugh) This kid is making a big mistake.

ME: He’s hopelessly in love.

HIM: You should never get married just for love.

ME: Wait a minute. WE got married because we were hopelessly in love.

HIM: (caught in the headlights) And… we’re happy

ME: (Silent Fury)

HIM: AND I”m glad we did.

ME: (Silent Fury with a fake tear welling up in my eyes)

HIM: AND yeah he’s doing the right thing. I’m going to tell him he’s doing the right thing. I want him to be happy like me.

ME: Nice save.

HIM: Thanks… but I’ve had over two decades of practice.

ME: (Thinking… yup… and SO have I)