ME: i found the perfect blender on sale at Bed Bath & Beyond. The NInja!
HIM: I don’t believe you.
ME: What do you mean you don’t believe me. It’s on the kitchen counter.
HIM: I see the blender. And yes it was a great deal. But somebody else did this. Smart shopping is NOT your strong suit. You’re like my mother.
ME: (Thinking, yes Marcia found this, but I found Marcia, so technically I found this) Oh RIGHT, I’m like a size 4, Beverly Hills socialite–
HIM: You have ALL of their worst qualities. Hmmm… This looks like the work of MARCIA!!!
ME: So Daniel (one of my godsons) hit a triple, a double and a home run in his game, and he made a double play.
HIM: Don’t try to change the subject. It WAS Marcia.
ME: What is your problem? You just can’t stand that when our TV was broken and you said it couldn’t be fixed. Marcia fixed it.
HIM: I’m glad she fixed the TV.
ME: No you’re not. A woman fixed the TV and you couldn’t. AND she’s NOT even a lesbian. (Struck a nerve, struck a nerve)
HIM: So you say. i don’t know that. My mother didn’t fix things. If something needed to be fixed my father fixed it or my mother bought a new more expensive one. I don’t like you hanging out with women who bargain shop and fix things.
ME: Dr. Freud on line one for you Robert.