ME: What are you giving up for Lent?

HIM: I’m not religious.

ME: That has nothing to do with it. You have to give something up for Lent.

HIM: Okay I’ll give up Negro Food,

ME: You have to give up something that you’ll miss.

HIM: Okay, I’ll give up buying you things.

ME: You can’t give that up.

HIM: All right, I’ll give up yard work.

ME: NO! You were raised Catholic you know better than this. It’s Lent, we have to suffer.

HIM: Okay, I’ll give up boners.

ME: NO!! You can’t give up THAT!

HIM: Why? That would be suffering. Trust me!

ME: That’s TOO much suffering, we’re Catholics, not Mormons.

HIM: I told you I am NOT religious.

ME: Listen I am NOT going to Hell for being married to an infidel.

HIM: Trust me, you’re going to Hell, and being married to me is way down on the list of reasons.

ME: (sigh) i don’t want to go to hell.

HIM: Don’t worry honey, they have lots of cameras in hell.

ME: You think? Then how is it different than Heaven?

HIM: They don’t have make up artists or hair stylists

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