ME: What are you giving up for Lent?
HIM: I’m not religious.
ME: That has nothing to do with it. You have to give something up for Lent.
HIM: Okay I’ll give up Negro Food,
ME: You have to give up something that you’ll miss.
HIM: Okay, I’ll give up buying you things.
ME: You can’t give that up.
HIM: All right, I’ll give up yard work.
ME: NO! You were raised Catholic you know better than this. It’s Lent, we have to suffer.
HIM: Okay, I’ll give up boners.
ME: NO!! You can’t give up THAT!
HIM: Why? That would be suffering. Trust me!
ME: That’s TOO much suffering, we’re Catholics, not Mormons.
HIM: I told you I am NOT religious.
ME: Listen I am NOT going to Hell for being married to an infidel.
HIM: Trust me, you’re going to Hell, and being married to me is way down on the list of reasons.
ME: (sigh) i don’t want to go to hell.
HIM: Don’t worry honey, they have lots of cameras in hell.
ME: You think? Then how is it different than Heaven?
HIM: They don’t have make up artists or hair stylists