HIM: Bye honey, I have to go.
ME: You woke me up to say that?
HIM: Yeah. I’m going to be gone all day.
ME: (Thinking… oh good, I can get some work done, and go over my NCAA brackets with my buddy on the phone without judgment)
HIM: You should organize this closet.
ME: Why don’t you organize it?
HIM: I didn’t mean you, I meant have Patrick organize it. You can just supervise.
ME: Why don’t you supervise?
HIM: Can’t argue with you I have to beat the tide to the beach.
ME: That’s what’s wrong with lifeguards… who tries to beat the tide to beach.
HIM: Surfers… surfers who have accidents, get caught in rips, need CPR, I’m doing 5 prevents and 2 rescues a day and it’s not even summer.
ME: Make that 6 prevents.
ME: You are preventing me from getting my beauty rest.
HIM: Do you love me?
ME: Yes, now good bye I’m going back to sleep.
HIM: You don’t ever ask me if I love you.
ME: Cause I know the answer is yes… and I do NOT ask questions I don’t want the answer to. Now let me go back to sleep!
HIM: You love sleep more than me.
ME: Sleep is wonderful! It’s death without the commitment.
HIM: You don’t like commitment. You’ve NEVER liked commitment. AND you have a fear of intimacy.
ME: Okay, WHAT do you want for breakfast.
HIM: An omelet. Now was that so difficult?