M.R.S. Degree

(Me & One of my former students on the phone)’

HIM: Dr. Gordon?

ME: Yesssssss?

HIM: You sound out of breath are you okay?

ME: I was exercising.

HIM: That doesn’t sound like you, exercising in the morning.

ME: It’s a new phase. What’s up?

HIM: I hate residency. I don’t think I can make it.

ME: Yes you can.

HIM: It’s horrible. The nurses hate us. The patients don’t trust us. We work horrific hours, I haven’t been laid in months. I HATE THIS!

ME: You can handle this. If it was easy to become a doctor everybody would be one.

HIM: (starts sobbing) There’s this old nurse and she’s so mean to me. And she told me something and I thought she was wrong, and she was right, and I messed it up.

ME: Did the patient die?

HIM: No.

ME: Is the patient the patient going to survive your mistake?

HIM: Yes,

ME: Then get over it. Shit happens.

HIM: I can’t face the nurses. They’re all snickering at me,

ME: Yes you can. Just go to alpha nurse and ask her to help you. Make her your ally not your enemy. The laughing will stop. Women are evil, but they’re basically kind. They have that mother thing going on.

HIM: You think.

ME: Trust me, I’ve been deep in their camp. Now about this other problem.

HIM: What other problem?

ME: Not getting laid. Just grab some single girl who’s working on her MRS degree

HIM: (laughs) This place is full of them.

ME: Yeah, I know, so grab one, and knock one out in a supply closet or room that locks.

HIM: Really? I never thought about that. That’s so sleazy, but it’s kinda hot. You’re a genius.

ME: So I’ve heard. BTW… make sure it’s not the medication room… they have hidden cameras in there.

HIM: They do? How’d you know that?

ME: That’s not important.

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