Medically Speaking…

ME: Honey are you awake?
HIM:(As expected, in a TERRIBLE mood) YES! I know. Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me.
ME: Oh what’s wrong? (As if I don’t know)
HIM: What’s wrong? What’s wrong? I’M OLD that’s WHAT’S WRONG.
ME: Oh that… yeah but you look great.
HIM: NO I DON’T! I LOOK old.
ME: (Hand him a birthday card… he rips it open)
HIM: You’re not on this card.
ME: So?
HIM: You haven’t given me a birthday card that you weren’t on since I’ve known you.
ME: I thought this one was more appropriate.
HIM: (Reading the card) “Can’t face another birthday? … bend over and back in.”
ME: Funny huh?
HIM: No it’s not funny. It’s terrible. I’m OLD.
ME: Oh come on… I’m 10 years older than you.
HIM: But you LOOK 10 years younger than me. IT’S NOT FAIR! I spend my whole life swimming, exercising, and eating healthy… and you spend your life drunk or drugged out, staggering down a fried food littered road to hell… and I LOOK OLDER…
ME: You can only be young once, but you can be immature for your whole life.. a beauty secret that’s obviously worked for me.
HIM: It’s genetic and racial. Black people just don’t age!
ME: Here open one of your presents… it’ll make you feel better.
HIM: (opens a present) Oh… it’s a picture of you.
ME: Nice huh? (Enjoying this to NO END)
HIM: Lovely.
ME: Yeah it’s me at 35. Open this present.
HIM: (opens one) Oh… ANOTHER picture of you.
ME: Yeah, me at your age. I look the same huh?
HIM: You’re such an evil bitch.
ME: Well if nothing else, you’re still a good judge of character DESPITE your age.
HIM:(sighs deeply) This is horrible. I can smell 50.
ME: That’s not 50 you smell. That’s 50 you see… that’s 60 you smell.
HIM: I’m not going to live to be 60. My life is over I’m just going to die. I refuse to get old and wrinkled.
ME: Honey, that train kind of already left the station.
HIM: (stating the obvious) You’re enjoying my misery
ME: Now it’s NOT that bed. As a doctor, I have to say… medically speaking, you’re at a great age.
HIM: Really? Why?
ME: Cause you can no longer die unexpectedly.

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