HIM: Good morning, how was your workout?
ME: The only good thing about it is its over.
HIM: What’s the weather forecast for today.
ME: Lesbian like, dreary and cold.
HIM: Speaking of lesbians, I think my teacher broke up with her girlfriend.
ME: Lesbian’s never break up. They’re very predictable… they move in on the first date, then get LBD
ME: Lesbian Bed Death. So what do you want for your birthday?
HIM: I want you to NOT call my friends and plan a surprise party.
ME: You don’t have any friends. (Thinking… too late already did it)
HIM: Seriously, I HATE surprise parties.
ME: I LOVE surprise parties.
HIM: Of course, I just want to forget I have a birthday.
ME: Not me. My birthday is my favorite day of the year. I had GREAT birthday parties as a child.
HIM: Yes, your mother told me ALL about it. As soon as you got your presents, you use to want all the kids to go home so you could play with the presents by yourself and eat all of the cake and ice cream.
ME: Don’t judge me.
HIM: I won’t. Just do NOT get me a cake and put the right number of candles on it.
ME: But I already alerted the Fire Department.