ME: I’m concerned about this documentary
HIM: Why? I thought the footage was great.
ME: The director is putting the camera too close to my face… I look terrible.
HIM: Now you know what I’ve been looking at all these years.
ME: Bitch! I don’t look as bad as you.
HIM: So you’ve been lying to me all of these years?
ME: Listen I have a serious problem, seriously, these shots are too close. This is why I don’t like directors.
HIM: Did you talk to the director.
HIM: What did he say?
ME: Take it up with make-up and hair.
HIM: Did you talk to make up and hair?
HIM: And… what did they say?
ME: Make up said they were beating a dead horse, and hair said these are scissors not a wand.