Saltless in So Cal

HIM: Hi Honey I’m home.
ME: So what?
HIM: Hmm…you’re slightly bitchier than usual. What’s wrong buttercup?
ME: Don’t buttercup me… It’s day 14 since I gave up salt.
HIM: Do you really miss salt THAT much?
ME: Like Ike misses Tina.
HIM: Well I guess I can throw out your mammy salt shaker… (looks at my Aunt Jemima salt shaker) Wow… this thing has been used more than Julian Lennon… all the paints worn off.
ME: NO don’t throw it out. That’s a part of the china that was in my hope chest when I married you.
HIM: Your hope chest? You had a hope chest?
ME: Yeah… I had a hope chest… every bride has a hope chest.
HIM: Really, well what happened to hope, and I never saw any china.
ME: Cause you made me throw away my china… to make room for that old caucasian-ware of yours.
HIM: Your china? There are dogs that had more dishes than you. You had a mixing bowl that you ate any and everything out of. a salt shaker, a half a dozen shot glasses, a martini pitcher, some fruit jars, a mortar and pestle, a coke spoon, two razors blades and a mirror with the reflection practically licked off of it.
ME: Yeah, I was a Hollywood bride… I had the essentials… what’s your point?

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