ME: So you know how you’re always telling me I should be more interested in politics?
ME: I did something very political. I started a change.org petition.
HIM: Really, what kind of petition?
ME: It’s to Dave Brandon
HIM: Who’s that?
ME: The Athletic Director at Michigan.
HIM: (Skeptical) And what’s the petition for?
ME: To make him change his decision not to send the Michigan Band to The Cotton Bowl Classic.
HIM: Are you serious? You started a petition on change.org for this?
ME: Yeah, change.org rules the e-petition world.
HIM: But how is this a political issue?
ME: It costs 400k to send the band to the game, and Michigan is making 4.7 million dollars on the game, and Brandon is claiming we can’t afford to send the band.
HIM: I thought you liked Dave Brandon.
ME: I love Dave Brandon. He’s the best AD in the country. But he’s thinking to much like a CEO, and…
HIM: Not enough like a cheerleader?
ME: Don’t judge me.
HIM: So how did you get Change.org to host this petition?
ME: I just made it political. People are sharing it like it’s herpes! It’s got 1000 signatures already. This is great. It’s like when I was a campus radical back in Ann Arbor. I miss my fro’ and my peace sign.
HIM: Again, how did you make this political?
ME: Corporate greed vs. The integrity of Intercollegiate athletic experience. That’s very political.
HIM: True, and I must hand it to you, that’s a brilliant maneuver, but I wonder if it is the old campus radical in you or the cheerleader in you that really wants the band at this game?
ME: Don’t try and make this a partisan issue. Now I have to leave to go downtown to get fish before these Asians get up and start driving… cause you know their driving is bad enough to make Mexicans buy car insurance.
HIM: You are SUCH A REDNECK. You make these horrible stereotypes based on nothing… And I get all the flack cause I look WASPY… when YOU’RE the REDNECK!
(TWO HOURS LATER…)
HIM: How was downtown?
ME: It was horrible. There was an accident on the freeway, caused by this person, who just happened to be Asian, old, and female…
HIM: Oh great… reinforces your stereotype….
ME: No, I’m just saying… And she hit this person in a BMW who was tantrumatic, neurotic, and having a screaming fit, who just happened to be a young, Jewish girl.
HIM: Look, anybody would be upset if they were in a car accident, being Jewish had NOTHING to do with…
ME: I know, I didn’t say it did. Traffic was backed up for miles. So I no choice but to…
HIM: Let me guess, drive on shoulder of the road.
ME: Of course, it was the only logical thing to do. Then I got stopped by these two cops… One was really butch and cute, and OTHER ONE was this horrible cop with NO sense of humor, who just happened to be a lesbian…
HIM: And you made some disparaging remark with a Sapphic innuendo..
ME: I was just trying to lighten the situation up… All I said was… Did you stop me for driving on the shoulder or did you smell the fresh fish in the trunk… Her partner thought it was funny… And can you believe she was going to give me a ticket.
HIM: So let me guess… you started crying, played helpless, appealed to the macho male cops ego and convinced him to stop her from giving you a ticket.
ME: Exactly! How did you know?
HIM: Cause you just happen to be a black queen.