HIM: Good morning sunshine (Laughing to himself)
ME: What are you laughing at?
HIM: I was remembering how much trouble you got in for teaching your students how to make Tequila Sunrises in class.
ME: I was NOT teaching them how to make Tequila Sunrises. I was teaching them how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container… I was just making the subject interesting.
HIM: A little too Interesting for UCLA
ME: And THAT is what is wrong with education in America. Oh no!
HIM: What? What is it?
ME: My computer won’t come on!
HIM: Do you want to use my computer?
ME: Of course not. It’s a PC, I’d rather be on crack than to be on a computer that’s not a Mac!
HIM: A PC is better than no computer at all.
ME: No it’s not. A PC is NO COMPUTER AT ALL!
HIM: So what are you going to do?
ME: Wait for 6:00 a.m. and call Apple.
HIM: Okay, I’m going to walk Lulu
(30 minutes later)
HIM: Still not working?
ME: No I have to send it to Apple.
HIM: Well what are you going to do?
ME: I have to get an emergency computer
HIM: Use mine.
ME: I’m allergic to PC’s I HAVE to get a Mac!
HIM: Let me make you breakfast.
ME: Are you INSANE I CAN’T EAT at a time like this.
HIM: You ARE upset. Well I’m going swimming.
(Call my friend)
HER: (groggy… waking up) This better be God, or the Lottery
ME: Marcia, I’m sorry to call you at 7:00 a.m. but my computer crashed.
HER: Calm down take a deep breath.
ME: My cortisol is upregulated, I’m in crisis mode. I can’t calm down.
HER: Send Patrick. I have a spare MacBook Pro. You will be able to get on Facebook. I get it. I like Facebook. You can’t live without it.
ME: (calmer) Thank you I’m sending Patrick.
(1/2 hour later Robert returns)
HIM: Are you alright?
ME: I’m freaked out about my computer but Marcia saved the day. So I’m okay. I’m doing my morning Facebook.
HIM: Ummm… speaking of freaked out… you’re sitting in the dining room with all the blinds open.
HIM: You’re stark naked… the neighbors are a little freaked out.
ME: Oh shit… I was so freaked out I forgot to get dressed.
HIM: Who gets so freaked out over a computer crash they forget to get dressed?
ME: Don’t judge me…. just love me… for better or worse… and WHAT could be worse than your computer crashing? HIM: (closing the blinds) I can think of a few things…
ME: Well the upside to this is… at least NOW the neighbors KNOW FOR SURE I’m really a man.
HIM: And this would be the upside for whom?