ME: Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
HIM: You’re celebrating St. Patrick’s Day already.
ME: I’ve been celebrating since Midnight… I LOVE St. Patrick’s Day!
ME: I LOVE St. Patrick’s Day cause it’s a holiday and I LOVE all Holidays!
HIM: Because in your mind holidays are about drunken waywardness and gluttony.
ME: And who made you the Party Police.
HIM: Adulthood… but you wouldn’t understand that.
ME: Come on you should LOVE St. Patrick’s Day, you’re part Irish.
HIM: (Indignant) I have a TINY bit of Irish in me… on my MOTHER’S side… I am Austrian and German!
ME: Whatever, Austrian, German, Irish, it’s all just white.
HIM: See this is why we have problems selecting room paint… it is NOT ALL just white.
ME: I don’t see any difference.
HIM: Of course you don’t. Austrian is the equivalent to Snow White, German is like Splashed White… where as IRISH is that dreadful navajo white
ME: Wait… when I was having my wedding dress designed, your sister suggested navajo white
HIM: Of course, my sister’s a bitch.
ME: Are you serious? I thought she was being nice
HIM: White women, like my sister are NOT nice.
ME: What? That doesn’t make any sense. She’s always nice to me.
HIM: Of course she is… she’s VERY WHITE…and you don’t get that… which is WHY I can NOT buy paint with you!