The N Word

HIM: Good morning Honey you’re up early

ME: It’s weigh day, and I’m excited about my radio show.

HIM: How’d you do?

ME: Down 4 pounds.

HIM: I wish I could get more fat on my body. It would help me with my buoyancy, which is good for swimming. Fat floats.

ME: I know.

HIM: I bet. (laughs)

ME: You know I could make you more buoyant.

HIM: How?

ME: I could just put you on a high buoyancy diet.

HIM: I can imagine. No thanks.

ME: It’s quite simple: Buoyancy force = weight of the object in empty space − weight of object immersed in fluid.

HIM: Huh?

ME: Archimedes’ principle for buoyancy.

HIM: Who remembers stuff like that?

ME: Anybody that was paying attention in physics class as opposed to worrying about sinking at swim practice.

HIM: You’re such a nerd.

ME: No I’m not… of course… In order for Archimedes’ principle to be used alone, the object in question must be in equilibrium, meaning the sum of the forces on the object must be zero,


ME: And what’s interesting about this is the depth to which a floating object will sink, and the volume of fluid it will displace, is independent of the gravitational field regardless of geographic location.

HIM: Let me file this immediately under who the fuck cares.

ME: Of course seawater….

HIM: I said DOWN NERD Be a good! Don’t make me get the whip.

ME: That’s why you can’t float… You’re too rude. And I AM NOT A NERD. And how dare you use the N word with me on the Sabbath!

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