The Ring Finger

HIM: Hi honey I’m home.  How was your day?

ME: One repossessed double wide and a dead dog away from a Country and Western Song

HIM: What happened?

ME: There was a table malfunction at USC and my finger got smashed.

HIM: That’s terrible.

ME: Well not really.

HIM: Why not?

ME: Because I can take some oxycodone without guilt.

HIM: Why don’t you just try a Tylenol?

ME: Cause I don’t like to squander opportunities and how often do I get a legitimate reason to do a schedule IV drug.

HIM: You’ll never change.

ME: What? I have TOTALLY changed.

HIM: No you’re still a druggie

ME: Not practicing.  What is your problem… I don’t do drugs anymore.

HIM: Thanks to me.  Cause I told you if you didn’t stop doing drugs I’d leave you.

ME: Well that makes you a liar cause I’m high as hell and you’re still here.

HIM: From ONE oxycodone?

ME: Who takes just ONE oxycodone? That’s like eating one M & M.

HIM: You’re just seedy, seedy, seedy!

ME: I am not seedy and never have been seedy. Over medicated perhaps but NEVER seedy!

HIM: Oh please, when I first started dating you I use to have to sneak you past canaries. I’m going to bed.

ME: Come on let’s stay up and finger paint.

HIM: No, and we don’t even have any finger paint.

ME: We have drugs, we don’t need finger paint.

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