ME: Hi Honey I’m home.
HIM: How was USC?
ME: USC was great. They love me. Traffic was abominable.
HIM: You were being chauffeured
ME: What’s your point?
HIM: My point is your ridiculously spoiled. I have to fight horrible traffic. You just have to sit back and listen to music or watch TV, or drink a refreshing beverage.
ME: OKay, you’re pain is real, let’s move on.
HIM: What should i have Patrick make for dinner?
ME: You’ve been here all day and you’re just now thinking about this?
HIM: It was my day off. Anyway, I like it better when you cook for me.
ME: What do you want?
HIM: Chicken, Potato leek soup and that homemade mango ice cream you make. It’s delicious,
ME: And no sugar or sugar substitutes… eat ripe locally grown fruit, can’t go wrong.
HIM: The mangoes are from Mexico, that’s not local.
ME: I just got back from Keck USC. TRUST ME Mexico is local.
(an hour later…. )
HIM: Well I’m going to the grill cheese truck. I just found out it’s in Culver City… I hear their grilled brie is to die for.
ME: I just spent an hour making dinner and if you leave to go to the grilled cheese truck. You WILL DIE.
HIM: You can’t threaten me like that. I’ll eat it later.
ME: I can threaten you ANY way I want, and you go right ahead and step ONE FOOT out that door, and I guarantee you we will be on the news.
HIM: You know June Cleaver would NEVER threaten Ward like this. She would just put the chicken away, and let Ward go to the grilled cheese truck. Things were good for men in the 50’s. If this were the 50’s…
ME: We’d be lynched…. now white or dark meat.
HIM: White.. I’m SICK OF DARK MEAT.
2 hours later…
HIM: (Text) The line is around the block.
ME: What line?
HIM: The line at the grilled cheese truck.
ME: WTF… I thought you were going out for air?
HIM: I am. I like brie with my air. I’ll send you a pic.
ME: I’ll paint you one. Your funeral, my trial.