(Me & My Mother back in the 80’s in West Hollywood)
HER: You KNOW that dress is TOO SHORT. You’re scaring animals and little children.
ME: I have an autograph signing and my fans will LOVE it.
HER: Only if they’re Blind… speaking of blind whatever happened to that nice blind boy that used to come over here with that homely white girl?
ME: You mean Stevie Wonder and Karen Knotts?
HER: Yeah, I forget these kids names. He was a nice fellow, Somebody need to tell him about that hair though.
ME: He’s a gifted musician. His hair is fine.
HER: He did say he was trying make some songs… well bless his heart…I don’t know about his music, but he looks like a macrame plant hanger about the head.
ME: Stevie Wonder is one of the best musicians ever. He’s on the radio constantly. How can you not know that?
HER: How can you not know that on the radio is the only place you’d look good in that dress.
ME: Do you know how successful Stevie Wonder is?
HER: He can’t be that successful hanging out with you and that weird gimly legged Karen.
ME: He’s not hanging out with us. He came over here a couple of times with Karen cause they’re good friends.
HER: How’s her daddy doing? He should go back to the Andy Griffith Show. He was good on that.
ME: Don Knotts is fine, and The Andy Griffith show has been cancelled for years.
HER: Not on my TV back in Michigan. See that’s what’s wrong with California. I can’t believe I let you talk me into moving out here and living with you.
ME: Yeah, I talked you into it. I wish you would get a grip.
HER: I wish that dress would loosen its grip on them big fat legs of yours.
ME: Yeah well your legs look like two toothpicks stuck in an old olive.
HER: Don’t make me strangle you with that ugly dress.