Me & My Cousin
HIM: Hey cuz, I came to check up on you. Where’s what’s his name?
ME: He’s at work.
ME: Be nice.
HIM: Sorry. How is the little fella?
ME: My husband is fine. Stop calling him “the little fella”
HIM: Whatever… do you need anything?
ME: Some more wine.
HIM: Should you be drinking wine?
ME: Whose the doctor here?
HIM: Okay. (pours me some wine…I spill it on his white shirt) SHIT! You’re drunk!
ME: Correction. I’m drunk and stoned. So how’s law school?
HIM: Boring. I’m too old for that shit. I’m going to be 53 by the time I get my JD
ME: So you’re going to be 53 anyway. Besides we look young we’re black… and black don’t crack.
HIM: (laughs) Can I wash my shirt? I hope this wine comes out. (He takes off his shirt)
ME: Wow look at those muscles. I want to take a picture of your muscles.
HIM: NO! That’s SO GAY!
ME: So? What’s your point?
HIM: You need to get in bed and go to sleep.
ME: Do you want to have a slumber party, like when we were kids.
HIM: NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. AND OH HELL NO!
ME: (laughs) but we used to have SO MUCH FUN playing doctor)
HIM: If you weren’t my favorite cousin I’d light you up.
ME: Those muscles don’t fool me. We all know who the nurse was when we played doctor.
HIM: I hate you. Why did I come over here?
ME: Cause I’m your favorite cousin.
HIM: Oh yeah, that.