Me and My nurse
HER: Dr. Gordon! Welcome back! We heard you were in the ER. And then you didn’t come up. We were afraid you went to South Tower.
ME: No, South Tower’s too ghetto. You know my heart is here.
HER: You look great. You’ve lost a lot of weight.
ME: Yeah, Get the scale. And guess what I’ve taken up fruit carving. (I show them some pictures)
HER: Oh this is great. Can you teach us how to do this?
ME: Of course, it’s REALLY easy.
HER: It’s SO GOOD to have you back! It’s been over a year.
ME: It’s good to be back. I was in Keck-USC in January. They were very nice to me, but it wasn’t Cedars.
HER: I know, I heard they don’t even serve wine with dinner. ME: They don’t. And no sparkling waters. It was grueling.
HER: Well you’ll get wine with your dinner here. What can we get you right now?
ME: Well it’s late, I don’t want to be difficult?
HER: (Very Concerned) Are you feeling okay?
ME: Yeah, why..
HER: I’ve never heard you talk like that. You’ve NEVER been concerned about being difficult.
ME: Well people say I’m a difficult and demanding patient… and I’m trying not to be.
HER: RIDICULOUS! They just don’t understand you. Of course you’re difficult and demanding. All Celebrity patients are difficult and demanding. It’s your right.
ME: Well in that case, Can I have some Pelligrino, with a twist of lime?
HER: Of course!
ME: And a foot massage.
HER: I’ll call the CP.
ME: And can we rearrange this room?
HER: Anyway you want it.
ME: And I want a different bed.
HER: Already ordered it.
ME: And can I have some more pillows, and can you get a therapy dog for me to play with in the morning?
HER: A poodle right?
ME: Of course. And is the Cellist here tomorrow? I think I’d like to be serenaded.
HER: No I think the cellist is off, but the harpist will be here.
ME: That’s fine… You know me, I’m so not demanding.