(Me and One of My former Students)
HIM: Good morning
ME: What time is it?
HIM: 6:00 a.m.
ME: Are you in jail or the hospital?
ME: Then why the fuck are you calling me at 6:00 a.m. on Saturday?
HIM: You’re not up? What time do you normally sleep until?
ME: I’m indulgent… probably 8:00 o’clock.
HIM: So are you busy today?
ME: Yes, very. Why?
HIM: Well if you weren’t busy, would you come to my game?
ME: Of course.
HIM: Well it’s at the Staple’s Center. How do I get to the Staples Center from my house?
ME: So NOW we get to the REAL reason you called me.
HIM: I know how to get there. I can just take the 5 all the way Downtown and get off at 3rd.
ME: Don’t be ridiculous. Take the 5 to the 405, like you’re going to my house… then get off at the 101 South..
HIM: Where’s that?
ME: In Sherman Oaks…
HIM: I don’t know where that is.
ME: You’ve lived here your entire life. How can you NOT know where that is.
HIM: I’m not as old as you. My entire life’s not that long.
ME: It’s where the Galleria is. (upscale mall where kids go to pick each other up, and spend too much money)
HIM: Oh why didn’t you just say that?
ME: I don’t know. Anyway, take the 101 south… wait never mind…. take the 101 towards the Clubs in Hollywood…
HIM: Got it…
ME: Then when you get downtown… take the 110 south towards San Pedro…
ME: Towards the beaches where the South Bay girls are.
HIM: Oh I know how to get there.
ME: Of COURSE you do.
HIM: So let me get this straight… I go from my house towards your house, then get off at the mall, go towards the clubs, then get off and go towards the South Bay bitches.
ME: More or less. Now I’m going back to sleep, good-bye.
HIM: But wait I have another problem.
HIM: My basketball tournament’s outside of the Staples Center… and it’s raining.
ME: I’ll make it stop raining.
HIM: How can you do that?
ME: Did I not tell you on the first day of class that I was God?
(Hang up the phone go back to sleep…. 30 minutes later… hubby wakes me up)
HIM: I wanna talk.
ME:: Okay about what.
HIM: Well I’m leaving now to go to work.
ME: Okay… and?
HIM: That’s it….
ME: That’s ALL you have to say?
HIM: Well you say we never talk. And I’m just trying to talk. You’re so difficult.
ME: (thinking… I wonder what I would be like if I got a full nights sleep….)