Not As Bad As The Crusades

Me And Fr. Victor (a Catholic Priest)
ME: Fr. Victor what a lovely surprise.
HIM: I heard you had been in the hospital and I was in the neighborhood, I just thought I’d stop by and check on your soul.
ME: Oh haha… how did you know I was in the hospital.
HIM: I’m on twitter and you tweet like a flock of parakeets.
ME: Yeah it’s true.
HIM: So how are you doing spiritually?
ME: You mean since I left the Catholic Church?
HIM: You haven’t left the Catholic Church. You’re just confused?
ME: But I don’t believe Jesus Christ was God.
HIM: I thought we settled that. You don’t have to.
ME: But I’m married to a man.
HIM: We went through all of this. Let God judge you not Rome.
ME: Speaking of Rome you know Walter’s in Rome.
HIM: Yes I know. I heard his confession and gave him communion before he got on the plane in case there was a crash.
ME: Really? Seriously? Wally was afraid of dying in a plane crash… How long did it take to hear his confession….
HIM: (Gives me that priest look)
ME: Sorry that was out of line.
HIM: So what are you doing spiritually?
ME: Well I’m chanting, trying to meditate. I’m thinking about visiting a mosque. I’m leaning towards becoming Muslim.
HIM: Chant all you want, and visit the mosque but I’m telling you the Muslims and the Buddhists are just not equipped to handle you.
ME: And the catholic church is.
HIM: Yes, we’ve had centuries of experience dealing with extreme corruption.
ME: I’m not extremely corrupt.
HIM: Everything is relative… and compared to the Crusades you’re not corrupt.

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