HIM: Hi Honey….
ME: What are you doing here? What time is it?
HIM: I had to see you before I go to work, and I have to be at work at 5:00 a.m. You know summer is brutal. for lifeguards. Yesterday was horrible
ME: Did you see Katie Pyne at the beach yesterday?
HIM: Billi, there were THOUSANDS of people at the beach yesterday.
ME:So what… How can you not be able to pick Katie out in a crowd?
HIM: Look I treated 7 people who stepped on stingrays, had 5 rescues, 20 prevents, stopped 18 people from smoking on the beach, 39 couples from having sex on my beach, 11 lost children, and a black lawyer who accused me of racism because I told him he couldn’t put his portable shade device in front of my station because it was blocking my view and I couldn’t watch my water.
ME: Well black people have to have shade at the beach you know that.
HIM: I understand that, but I have to watch the water… he can put it behind my stand…
ME: I don’t see why they just don’t plant some shade trees…and some grass and get rid of all that sand…. or better yet… astro turf! I hate sand…
HIM: Yes I know.
ME: So what happened with the lawyer?
HIM: He told me that he was suing me, and then rattled off all of the important people he knew….
ME: What did you do?
HIM: I took out a picture of you and said, “Buddy I have been married to this person for 25 years… bring it”
ME: What did he say?
HIM: He said Oh I didn’t realize you were married to a black bitch. I’m married to a black bitch myself…I feel your pain.. And he gave me one of his friend’s card and said if I ever need a personal injury attorney give this guy a call… he’s good.
ME: WHAT? WHO IS THIS MAN?
HIM: And then his wife said, “Negro don’t make me cut you on this beach in front of all these white folks!”
ME: Black Bitch? He called me a black bitch? Why don’t you have my butch picture in your wallet?
HIM: It was your butch picture.