ME: Still depressed?
HIM: Yup. You?
ME: Yup. I cannot believe how dumb America is. It’s unreal to me that A) Romney is the best the Republicans can do, and B) people are actually considering voting for him. I’m unfriending and blocking people on FB left and right.
HIM: I know, middle income people and women, it’s unbelievable.
ME: Lot of it’s racism. I wish Obama was white. There wouldn’t be a problem.
HIM: There’d still be the Christians and the misogynists.
ME: True. For men who claim to be straight, there’s a LOT of woman hating going on. And I’m so angry with those stupid black antil-gay ministers… those niggas should know better.
HIM: Yeah, Christians suck,
ME: Not very well.. and that’s their problem. This Chick-Fil-A thing is infuriating.
HIM: Who cares. It’s just some homophobe, who’s not secure in his own sexuality. Men who are truly straight are not threatened by gays.
ME: I’ve always found that most men are blow-job friendly.
HIM: I’m sure YOU have.
ME: Especially after a couple of beers
HIM: I wouldn’t know.
ME: So Joel Foose came up with a GREAT IDEA for a Gay Chicken Restaurant “Dick-Fil-A”
HIM: That’s disgusting. Who is this guy? What’s wrong with him?
ME: Aside from being an OSU alum, nothing. He’s like Clary he has Negro tendencies.
HIM: I think it’s disgusting.
ME: No… It would be a great chicken restaurant.. Serving nothing but nuggets and breasts… giant nuggets for the queens, and breasts served on some awful natural bread, wrapped in environmentally friendly paper for the lesbians
HIM: (laughs) But I like the breast.
ME: Of course Because YOU have lesbian tendencies.
HIM: I do not.
ME: Please,. You wear drab colors, dress like a man, have a butch scary job… not to mention have a child with a straight woman… VERY lesbian like…
HIM: “Not to mention” yeah I’m waiting for that day.
ME: Yeah well you might as well be waiting for Anne Romney to bring Michele Obama out.
HIM: Trust me, I KNOW. And my job is NOT scary.
ME: Just the other day, you had to dive down in murky water without scuba equipment and rescue a trapped diver.
HIM: That wasn’t scary. I’m trained.
ME: You say trained… I say dykish… and hanging out of helicopters rescuing people,,, truly sapphic…
HIM: (laughs) I’m not you in the K-Earth Traffic Copter.
ME: That wasn’t funny. That was horrifying. I’m scarred for life by that horrifying experience.
HIM: Oh come on. It was hysterical. K-Earth’s 2 million listeners turn on the radio to get the morning commute report and hear Joni Caryl say, so Billi, how’s the morning commute.. and you say, “I don’t know I can’t see.. cause I’m scared to open my eyes…” Funny as hell.
ME: K-Earth didn’t find it funny. They put me on the weather desk to punish me.
HIM: That wasn’t that bad of a punishment considering..
ME: Please… weather in southern california is always perfect… there’s nothing to talk about.
HIM: I guess not having anything to talk about would be punishment for YOU.
ME: I don’t care what you say. Helicopters are terrifying… and hanging out of one on a cable is bumper behavior.
HIM: Is not. And we’re strapped to the cable. I’m not afraid of heights
ME: Because you’re lesbian-like and lesbians have no fear.
HIM: I have fear. Your bouillabaisse is truly scary.
ME: Oh really? Well that’s too bad… we’re having bouillabaisse tonight,
HIM: No, really? (sighs) Can’t we have something else?
ME: Sorry already got the ingredients. (Thinking:NOW I have to disrupt my day, to go get the ingredients for bouillabaisse JUST to punish him. Marriage is SO hard.)