ME And The Chief Resident.
HIM: Dr. Gordon…
ME: Do NOT speak to me!
HIM: What’s wrong?
ME: I’ll tell you what’s wrong? i started ordering breakfast this morning and I was told that I was restricted to the cardiac diet.
HIM: Well I did that because…
ME: (I start throwing processed foods at the wall…like high-fructose corn syrup jellies , SO CALLED “heart smart” NOT processed spreads….) You did it because YOU are a NORMY! And YOU are NOT current on the research. These aren’t foods these are drugs! How DARE YOU TRY TO PUSH DRUGS ON ME!
HIM: (picking them up off the floor) But, but, but… from reading your chart….
ME: READING my CHART? YOU think YOU know more about me from reading my chart than I do from being me? HUH? HUH? HUH?
HIM: Well no…
ME: Now I need to be able to pick and choose from ALL OF YOUR MENUS to try and put together a reasonable healthy meal… the cardiac diet is good for low salt… but in it’s effort to remove fats it adds SUGARS!
HIM: Oh I see what you mean…. you’re right… this is not good… I’m sorry. I’ll change this immediately. Now I have some other orders I would like to go over with you.
ME: (I start undressing)
HIM: What are you doing?
ME: Getting I’m better at taking orders when I’m naked.
HIM: (He starts laughing) You’re hysterical! I don’t know why they say you’re a difficult patient.
ME: Who says that?
HIM: It says that on every page of your chart.