ME: (Singing) (to the tune of “My Boyfriend’s Back”) ♫❤♫❤♫❤My Cellphone’s back and I’m gonna call Clary hey la, hey lay, My cellphone’s back♫❤♫❤♫❤
HIM:I’m REALLY stressing out about this jury duty.
ME: ♫❤♫❤♫❤My Cellphone’s back and I’m gonna text my agent. Hey la, Hey la, my cellphone’s back♫❤♫❤♫❤
HIM: This is just going to mess up EVERYTHING
ME: ♫❤♫❤♫❤My Cellphone’s back and I’m going to call my buddy in … hey la, hey la, my cellphone’s back. Yeah… you know I was dying… Yeah, I was really was trying… I said I could live without it, but I really was lying… hey la, hey la… my cellphone’s back♫❤♫❤♫❤
HIM: I JUST CAN’T do jury duty right now.
ME: ♫❤♫❤♫❤hey la, hey la, my cellphone’s♫❤♫❤♫❤
HIM: WOULD YOU STOP SINGING. I’m stressed out.
ME: WHAT PART of My Cellphone’s back didn’t you hear?
(Dial one of my friend’s whose a judge)
ME: Doll…. I need a favor….
HIIM: Are you incarcerated?
HIM: Are you about to be incarcerated?
HIM: Are you being sued?
HIM: Why not? Are you feeling okay? (he laughs)
ME: Very funny. Listen my husband needs to get out of jury duty… can you help him?
HIM: Of course. What court?
ME: It’s your court.
HIM: Text me the info. Consider it done.
ME: Thanks. How ya’ been?
HIM: Bored with my life. How’ve you been?
ME: Fine, same old, same old, tv show, movie, in and out of the hospital, doing my doctor thing on the side. Working on 3 books… you know… just living my life.
HIM: My life is so boing compared to yours. Tell me something exciting.
ME: (I tell him some juicy Hollywood insider gossip I can’t post on Facebook)
HIM: Wow! Really?
ME: Isn’t that the TRASHIEST!
HIM: REALLY!!! Thanks for calling.
(15 minutes later… I’m frustrated trying to put a new scratch guard on my phone… I have compressed air, exacto knives, scapels, surgical scissors all over the place)
HIM: ♫❤♫❤♫❤I just got a call from the court downtown. . ♫❤♫❤♫❤ hey la, hey la, I don’t have to go ♫❤♫❤♫❤now I remember why I LOVE you ♫❤♫❤♫❤ hey la, hey la, I don’t have to go ♫❤♫❤♫❤
ME: Shut the FUCK UP. I’m in the GRIPS OF GRIEF!!!!
HIM: WHAT are you trying to do?
ME: I’m trying to put this damn scratch guard over my phone. WHY DO THEY MAKE THIS SO FUCKING COMPLICATED!!!!!!
HIM: Give it to me. (he puts the scratch guard on in 2 seconds) There you go….. Anything else you need?
ME: There’s 4 shopping days left to my birthday.
HIM: I’m kinda on a budget… just so you know.
ME: I kinda don’t care… just so you know.
HIM: (sighs) What do you want? Please be reasonable.
ME: You know I’m not genetically capable of doing that.