Just My Job

HIM: Does Michigan have a football game today?
ME: You know I can’t believe you’re responsible for 1000’s of people’s safety at the beach and you’re this clueless.
HIM: What?
ME: Am I at the bar with the alumni association getting drunk and watching Michigan crush somebody?
HIM: You don’t always go watch the game with those other arrogant maniacs.
ME: Is the television on? Am I wearing a Michigan shirt? Is “Hail to the Victors” playing on surround sound? Is my Michigan Letter Jacket on the couch.
HIM: No.
ME: Well then there’s not a game.
HIM: Well then how come you have the Michigan Flag flying on the porch?
ME: BECAUSE it’s 7 days until Team 133 Unleashes the HAIL!
HIM: (sarcastically) I can hardly wait.
ME: Yeah I bet.
HIM: No seriously I can hardly wait until you have to play USC and we dominate your arrogant asses.
ME: What’s USC’s game plan to try and buy the game.
HIM: USC is rated #1 in the country.
ME: How do you know that?
HIM: Have you forgotten I’m a USC alum?
ME: No, but I try, every day, I try, I really do.
HIM: So are you going to be mean to me when USC beats Michigan in the Rose Bowl.
ME: No, No, and Yes. No, because A) Michigan and USC won’t be playing in the Rose Bowl, they will be playing for National Championship in the Orange Bowl. And B) No because USC is not going to beat Michigan. And YES I’m going to be mean to you, because that’s my job.
HIM: How is that your job?
ME: We’ve been married for 24 years… the only thing I can do at this point is be mean to you and hope you don’t like it.

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