Jury Summons

HIM: What is this?
ME: Junk mail.
HIM: This is NOT junk mail. This is a 2nd jury summons!
ME: Yeah, like I said, junk mail.
HIM: What happened to the first one?
ME: I threw it out with the rest of the junk mail.
HIM: You can’t throw away a jury summons.
ME: You know how non-sensical that statement is. I threw it away weeks ago, so obviously I can.
HIM: I mean you’re not supposed to.
ME: Well that’s a whole different thing.
HIM: Don’t nit pick with me. This is terrible. They are threatening to arrest me.
ME: They’re not going to arrest you.
HIM: You don’t know that.
ME: They never arrest me. And I always throw my jury summons away… I don’t believe in juries.
HIM: I don’t either, but until they change the legal system this is HOW IT IS. And you’re going to go to jail.
ME: I went down there once before… when I was a woman.
HIM: You weren’t ever a woman… but yes when you thought you were a woman… go on.
ME: Don’t bother me with details. You know what I mean. Anyway, getting out of it’s real easy.
HIM: How? Cause I REALLY do NOT want to do jury duty.
ME: Just look at them and say, “I am SO GLAD that you chose me because I have this magical ability to tell if someone is guilty just by looking at them. And they’ll dismiss you, and take you out of the jury pool.
HIM: Wow. That’s brilliant. How did you think of that?
ME: Honey, do you know how many lawyers I dated before I married you?
HIM: No. I’m only concerned with how many have you dated AFTER you married me. (laughs)
ME: Define date.
HIM: (stops laughing abruptly) WHAT????
ME: I’m just kidding. (Thinking: An occasional cup of coffee with a divorce attorney, who is a chubby chaser and wild about me is not dating… it’s just putting interest in the bank.)

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