(Me and Wally the Evil Badger Cardiologist)
HIM: Where the fuck are you?
ME: I’m at home and what kind of way is that to greet someone.
HIM: You were supposed to pick me up at the airport.
ME: OH was that TODAY?
HIM: YES IT WAS TODAY… now get on your hefty-sized broom and come and get me.
ME: It’s too hot, Robert will be home soon… take a taxi.
HIM: NO! Come and Get ME! NOW! YOU PROMISED!
ME: I also promised to exercise everyday. I’m on my way.
(20 minutes later)
HIM: Thanks for coming to get me.
ME: No problem. Sorry I forgot. How was Rome?
HIM: A lot like you. Old, decrepit and sleazy. I got you a gift.
ME: What is it? Where is it? Give it to me now.
HIM: I’ll give it to you later.
ME: I want it now.
ME: Are you wearing underwear.
HIM: Yes of course. Why?
ME: (Lying) I can see your penis.
HIM: WHAT? Why are you even looking at my crotch?
ME: That’s my gift to you.
HIM:You’re disgusting. (laughs)
ME: I missed you too.
HIM: Drop me off at the gym I need to work on the gluts right away.
ME: What about all of your stuff?
HIM: Take it to your house. You can come get me later… it will be good exercise.
ME: No. Why don’t you just take my car, drop me off at home…We can figure it out tomorrow.
2 hours later.
HIM: Listen, I’ll bring your car back sometime next week. This car is a chick magnet. I’m going to buy a red convertible…
ME: Walter you have 2 cars, a porsche and a range rover.
HIM: I’ll trade you one of them.
ME: I don’t want a range rover, and I’d need a porsche for each leg.
HIM: This is what my love life needs… is for me to get a MUSCLE CAR!
ME: Correction, what your love-life needs is for you to get some muscles!!