(ME and Wally the Evil Badger Cardiologist)
HIM: I will strangle you with my stethoscope, burn your body in a trash can on skid row and piss on the ashes!
ME: Wally I presume…
HIM: Did you post a picture of me on Facebook in my orange underwear?
ME: I don’t know, I’m hardly ever on Facebook.
HIM: Please! The only thing you’re on more than Facebook is drugs.
ME: I’m insulted.
HIM: How DARE YOU post a picture of me in my underwear on Facebook! I refuse to be objectized!
ME: Don’t worry you’re not being objectized….you didn’t get a single like.
HIM: WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? NOT ONE LIKE?
ME; Very serious. Not ONE like.
HIM: What? I can’t believe that. It must be a bad picture. Could they see my package?
ME: Well I suppose… if they increase the page size they might see it.
HIM: Asshole. I have a nice package.
ME: You’re no kewl tie when it comes to packages…
HIM: You’re an asshole. Not everybody can be Italian… And do NOT call me when you have your next cardiac incident!
ME: Oh struck a nerve… sorry… Wally
HIM: No likes at all? No comments either?
ME: Well you did get a comment.
HIM: Oh yeah… What did they say?
ME: They said in those orange underwear your legs look like two toothpicks stuck in an old tangerine.
HIM: I’m SERIOUS. Do NOT CALL ME when you have your NEXT cardiac episode.
ME: Fine. I met a Cardiologist at Keck-USC.
HIM: Yeah well he’s not as good as me.
ME: I dunno I think he has a bigger stethoscope…