Things

HIM: Good morning honey…
ME: Connect the digital phone.
HIM: That’s the first thing you have to say to me in the morning?
ME: Apparently yes, now connect it.
HIM: Why do you need it? And why can’t you do it?
ME: I told you, I saved $30.00 a month on our cable/internet package by adding digital phone service, and I can’t do things that involve things…
HIM: Things that involve things?
ME: You know like plugs and cords and you know things.
HIM: Oh yes, “things”
ME: I hate things cause they’re SO restrictive and not…
HIM: Not compatible with your ridiculousness, as in you have to put the right part in the right place.
ME: Exactly. If these engineers had their shit together they wouldn’t make this stuff so restrictive.
HIM: Yes, if these engineers had THEIR shit together. And how did you save $30 by adding phone service?
ME: Don’t talk to me, talk to Time Warner. They’re pushing digital phone service, so if you get the digital phone service introductory package… it includes internet, phone and cable TV… and it’s 30 bucks a month cheaper than our service
HIM: Cable TV really? Does it…
ME: No before you ask… NO Chill Network… just the basics…
HIM: I bet it has ESPN, ESPNU, and ESPN 2,3,4, 5, and…
ME: That’s in the basic package, and there’s no ESPN 4 and 5
HIM: For $10.00 more we can have the movie channels.
ME: If we want to see movies we can go to the Writer’s Guild and watch them, I’m in the WGA Film Society.
HIM: I don’t understand why you’re in that you don’t like movies. You never want to go to a movie.
ME: Correction. I NEVER want to go to movies at public movie theaters. I have NO problem going to the Writer’s Guild or Director’s Guild for screenings.
HIM: It’s the same movie. What’s the difference?
ME: The difference is sitting next to Spike Lee, as opposed to sitting next to Spiked hair.
HIM: I thought you didn’t like Spike Lee….
ME: That was years ago… we made up in the 90’s when the Black WGA members and The Black DGA members had that theme costume party.
HIM:Oh yeah, (rolls his eyes) “Come as your favorite white person”….
ME: Yeah and he went as Bill Clinton, and I went as Linda Lovelace, and we discovered we had similar politics.

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