Wally’s Big Secret

(Me and Wally the Evil Badger)
ME: Wallly I collapsed outside of Keck
HIM: Were you drinking negrodophilus?
ME: no.
HIM: You sound scared. Where are you now?
ME: Admitted on the 7th floor.
HIM: Whose the attending? I want to talk to him.
ME: I dunno… Wing, Wang, Wu. Wong or something like that.
HIM: I’ll call you right back.
(Ten minutes later)
HIM: It looks like you have a cellulitis… and you’re dehydrated.
ME: Wally I’m scared.
HIM: Is Robert there?
ME: Yeah… He’s more scared than me.
HIM: Stop being such a queen. There’s no reason for you to be scared.
ME: Wally am I going to have to be in here long?
HIM: Maybe a week. It won’t be bad.
ME: Wally they don’t have wine here!
HIM: None? Not even a house red?
ME: No honey.
HIM: I bet you appreciate Cedars now.
ME: I do. This hospital is just NOT diva-friendly.
HIM: I could call the head of electrophysiology she used to be my fellow… and ask her to move you to the celebrity floor. I’m sure they have wine there.
ME: They don’t have a celebrity floor!
HIM: Are you serious? (Starts laughing) They need to fix that.
ME: I know. I’m really scared.
HIM: Don’t be scared.
ME: What if something goes down with my heart?
HIM: I could come home early.
ME: I couldn’t ask you to do that. It’s not like I’m dying. I’m just freaked out… I never collapsed before.
HIM: I’m bored with Rome anyway, just a bunch of old ruins… and if I want to see old ruins I might as well be standing over your bed.
ME: No I’ll see you next week. But I’m really touched that you would come home early for me…
HIM: It’s NOT for you. It’s for me. You’re my best friend asshole.

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