(Me and Obdurate Trick-Or-Treater)
TOT: Trick Or Treat!
ME: Happy Halloween! (Give him a tangerine, and close the door)
TOT: (POUNDS on the door) Open up! (I open up the door) What is this?
ME: It’s a tangerine.
TOT: I know what it is buddy! Why the hell are you giving me this?
ME: Cause it’s Halloween and you’re trick or treating and this is the treat.
TOT: A tangerine? Really? Who are you supposed to be…the lunch room lady?
ME: No. I’m a concerned adult who doesn’t want you to get addicted to sugar.
TOT: Look give me candy!
ME: No! I gave you a healthy treat.
TOT: Where’s the candy?
ME: There’s no candy!
TOT: I know what’s going on here. YOU ate all the candy and now you’re passing out this lame fruit! This SUCKS!
ME: I did NOT eat all the candy.
TOT: Then WHERE is it?
ME: There’s no candy. (Meanwhile other TOTers are lining up.
TOTers: Where’s the candy?
ME: There’s no candy, but I have tangerines.
TOT: Don’t make me call the child abuse hotline. I have a cell. I have the number on speed dial.
ME: And what are you going to tell them. I tried to make you eat healthy food?
TOT: No. I’m going to tell them you ate all of our trick-or-treat candy.
ME: They won’t believe that.
TOT: Have you looked in a mirror recently. They’ll believe it! Now surrender the candy. (Robert comes to the door with a big bowl of mini-candy bars)
HIM: Here you go.
TOTers: Thanks, thanks, thanks. (He closes the door)
ME: I can’t believe you did that.
HIM: I can’t believe you would think you could give kids fruit for Halloween. What are you nuts? I mean more nuts than I already know about.
ME: You’re a sugar pusher and a sugar addict. (Pounding on the door… it’s the SAME TOT)
TOT: (hands Robert a business Card) This is my dad… he’s a divorce attorney for when you decide to trade up.