Me And Wally The Evil Badger Cardiologist
ME: Wally I’m dying.
HIM: It’s about time. According to all my medical training you died 10 years ago.
HIM: I am serious… you’re like the bumble bee… We have no Idea why it flies.
ME: The aerodynamics of bumble bees has been understood for years… some drunk German biologist started that myth and it became urban legend.
HIM: So you’re dying of terminal nerdiness?
ME: Don’t use the N word with me.
HIM: You are a nerd… Now I’m going back to sleep… I was dreaming I was giving chest exams to the Australian women’s volleyball team
ME: Well tie me kangaroo down sport… but back in the states… I think my heart is failing.
HIM: You don’t have a heart… you have hotel ice maker you hypochondriac.
ME: No I’m serious what do you want me to do?
HIM: I want you to let me go back to sleep and quit being a such a drama queen.
ME: I’m not being a drama queen. I think it’s cardiac or renal insufficiency. What do you think?
HIM: I think your hands are swollen from masturbating excessively.
ME: I do not masturbate excessively. And who uses two hands to masturbate.
HIM: Gifted men like me. I see we’ve uncovered some more urban legend.
ME: Fuck you. I’m hung like a indecisive jury.
HIM: Sure you can tell your cardiologist anything… I don’t go below the waist… let’s get your urologist on the phone.
ME: You know it’s too bad we didn’t meet in prison…
HIM: Lick your wounds on your own time. I’m going back to the Aussie women’s volleyball team.
ME: Wally I’m serious here… I need your professional opinion… what should I do?
HIM: Stop beating your dick like it owes you money.
ME: We are NOT speaking.
HIM: If ONLY that were true.