HIM: WHAT are you doing?
ME: Gargling
HIM: I have never seen anything like that!
ME: You’ve never seen anyone gargle before.
HIM: I’ve seen lots of people gargle. I’ve never seen anybody make water bubble up out of their mouth like a water fountain.
ME: I have strong throat muscles and and exuberant uvula.
HIM: (dumbfounded) How do you do that?
ME: Simple just fill your mouth with water and your throat pressure will send it up in a stream… just like Jellystone Park.
HIM: Yellow stone park. You’re talking about the place where they have the geyser right?
ME: Yeah, where Yogi Bear lives. It’s called Jellystone Park. Just Google Yogi bear you’ll see I’m right.
HIM: Never mind. Not important. I still don’t understand how you could have such pressure in your throat to make water bubble up 4 inches above your lips.
ME: I work out.
HIM: NO, I work out. I swim, I lift weights, I bicycle, I jog.
ME: I just do a different type of workout I Google, I tweet, I Facebook, and I do uvula reps. I can do 2000 uvula reps in a minute… that’s twice the speed of the Spanish R. And I can form every letter in the alphabet with my tongue, even B and Q.
HIM: That’s insane. An how do you even measure that?
ME: By how expensive the gifts are that you give me and how much of my shit you are willing to put up with.

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