God And Football

Me and The Priest in the hospital last weekend)
HIM: Hi I’ve come to give you communion.
ME: (I’m watching Michigan/Arkansas B-ball game on TV) Oh okay…
HIM: What game are you watching?
ME: Michigan/Arkansas
HIM: Oh I went to Michigan.
ME: So did I. I graduated in ’97
HIM: i graduated in ’76
ME: I should have graduated in the late 70’s but I took an extended Junior Year Abroad…
HIM: 20 years that’s pretty extended. What country did you go to?
ME: Hollywood, West Hollywood to be precise.
HIM: Oh I see. Well it all seems to have worked out you’re a doctor now.
ME: Yeah, whatever, so I guess I should turn the television off so we can do this.
HIM: We’re Catholic our God is not unreasonable just turn down the volume.
ME: True… let’s do it in Latin…
HIM: Really?
ME: Sure… In nòmine Patris, et Fìlii, et Spìritus Sancti… blah, blah, blah.
HIM: Oremus.. blah, blah, blah… Corpus Christi…
ME: Amen.
HIM: So why did you want to do communion in Latin?
ME: To alleviate guilt for watching the game during communion.
HIM: That’s pretty twisted thinking don’t you think?
ME: No more twisted than believing that wafer is Jesus Christ’s body.
HIM: But that’s what we believe.
ME: No that’s what you believe. I don’t even believe Jesus Christ was God.
HIM: So why are you Catholic?
ME: I like the pageantry, the toys, an I identify with the corruption, and I’m drawn to power.
HIM: Wow what a shot!
ME: Yeah Stauskas rocks! The whole team is great.
HIM: It’s been long overdue.
ME: It’s sweet. .
HIM: I’m concerned about your fundamental belief system.
ME: Don’t be. I got the basics down. I believe in God, Michigan Sports, and I’m a corrupt Catholic who’s not a Christian.
HIM: (looking at the game) Oh yeah in his face… well technically that’s a problem, but it can wait until the game.
ME: How about after March Madness.
HIM: Better yet.
ME: And this is why I can do Catholic and not Christian… (we laugh)
HIM: Catholic’s more important anyway… you can get to heaven without believing in Jesus Christ. But you can’t get there without being Catholic.
ME: (Thinking: yeah, an I”M the twisted one… LOL)

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