Presidents

HIM: Did you know George Washington’s Teeth were actually made of elephants tusk not wood?
ME: Glad we cleared that up. Who gives a damn.
HIM: And Thomas Jefferson spoke 6 languages?
ME: I heard he was packing.
HIM: What? Where would you hear something like that?
ME: At the salon.
HIM: Your hair salon is an insane asylum with blow dryers.
ME: My salon has a lot of inside relevant presidential information, I can tell you a LOT of things about Bill Clinton.
HIM: Oh yeah, that dreadful Monica Lewinski goes there.
ME: She is dreadful, and talk about split ends.. her hair looks like neurons.
HIM: Whatever… Did you know James Madison was only 5’4″ and weighed less than a 100 pounds, Lincoln was 6’4 and President Clinton was 5’10”
ME: I didn’t know about the 5 feet, but I heard ALL about the 10 inches.
HIM: TMI. Did you know Andrew Jackson was the first president to ride in a train?
ME: Nope, but did YOU know Kennedy was the first president to pull a train.
HIM: Did you know James Buchanan was never married.
ME: Yes, and he was the first president to redecorate the white house
HIM: Garfield could write with both hands at the same time, and in a different language with each hand.
ME: Andrew Johnson was buried wrapped in the flag holding the constitution. How kinky is that?
HIM: He was nuts. Chester A Arthur changed his pants several times a day – he owned 80 pairs of pants
ME: He should have change that hideous name.
HIM: Speaking of ugly names…Rutherford B Hayes…
ME: He was the first president to have a phone, and his phone number was 1.
HIM: Wow the same as your social security number.
ME: Fuck you.
HIM: Speaking of that John Tyler had 15 children.
ME: Wow and he wasn’t even Catholic.
HIM: Did you know Warren G. Harding gambled away a set of White House dishes…
ME: Hoover used to speak to his wife in Chinese so their conversations would be private…. you know the Hoovers were kinky…
HIM: Taft weighed 350 pounds and got stuck in the White House bath tub.
ME: Oh you just couldn’t WAIT to tell me that. I’m sure you were thrilled to hear that… takes a lot of worry off of your mind.
HIM: What? Worry about what?
ME: Well if something happened to Michele, I would have to leave you and step in and be Barack’s new first lady.
HIM: Oh yeah, that’s what I stay up an worry about all night…
ME: And if the bath tubs are too small I’d have to pass the job on the next in line.
HIM: The next in line?
ME: Yeah we drew straws at the salon to see who would be next in line to marry Barack if something happened to Michele.
HIM: You guys seriously drew straws to see which one of you in your wildest dreams would replace Michele Obama.
ME: Yeah we did it when Flash was auctioning off clippings of his hair from the time he was in town and she cut his hair… that lucky bitch.
HIM: Who won the auction.
ME: Miss Eleanor, of course… $4,000… she’s married to an NFL QB… the bitch is loaded. She put it in a locket. I’m SO JEAOUS!!
HIM: If you guys want some hair like Barack’s I’ll donate my pubes for a 1000
ME: How about $20 bucks.
HIM: 20 bucks??? What do you think I am.
ME: Honey, we’ve established what you are, now we’re just quibbling over price.

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