(Me & The Evil Badger)
HIM: Did Robert get my condolences card
ME: You’re a dick.
HIM: Lucky for you huh.
ME: Did you refer me to Jules Stein Eye Clinic?
HIM: They’re reluctant to see you.
HIM: That last incident
ME: That was 30 years ago
HIM: They haven’t forgotten
ME: I was different then; And I was frightened
HIM: When the doctor came in to see you, You dropped to your knees, which I understand is a default reaction
ME: I’m over you, and I’m over them.
HIM: (enjoying this immensely) And you clutched him around the knees sobbing, and screaming “I just want to see one more sunrise, and my mamma
ME: I had glaucoma and I was going blind.
HIM: You did NOT have glaucoma you hypochondriac
ME: Not according to them. But I am telling you I had glaucoma.
HIM: Well according to them your eyes were irritated from wearing too much cheap mascara.
ME: Cheap mascara? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was wearing Guerlain Noir, Clinique Bottom Lash, and Lancome None of those are cheap! Those people are incompetent.
HIM: They’re not incompetent, they just don’t understand how expensive it is to look as cheap you do. And you were wearing three different mascaras.
ME: Of course I was. It was afternoon and this is not Little House on the Prairie.