(Me & My Supermodel Friend)
HER: How are you?
ME: Who is this?
HER: You have NO right to be mad at me.
ME: I have not heard from you in months
HER: 4 days, and IF you had come to my party you would have heard from me
ME: Honey we’ve been through this… how was it
HER: Beiber was wasted tried to hit on me, the Game tried to pick me up, you know bo Jelo’s old boyfriend tried to hit on me.
ME: Jelo’s that Mexican girl right?
HER: I suppose… Anyway, men are so lecherous, all of these guys were hitting on me.
ME: You realize these men are just using you to try to get to me. Chubby chasers will do ANYthing….
HER: Of course…. everybody’s a chubby chaser
ME: When I’m around… pretty much…
HER: so it turned into Kylie Jenner’s birthday party. You know who Kylie Jenner is right… no of course you don’t… she’s a Kaardashian girl..
ME: ANOTH’ER Kardashian?? How many of them are there….. I swear…. Armentians are just hairy negroes….
HER: Oh you know black people are SO funny… all of these rappers were there… and I’ve never been with so many black guys…
ME: How many did you do?
HER: WHAT? NONE! I’m not some hoochie mamma. I mean partied with… Anyway. I found this 9 inch penis cake… it was a cake made like a penis. Can you imagine?
ME: Darling I have a set of penis cake pans…. and penis jello molds, popsicle molds and fudge bar kits….
HER: Wow…just wow…. that’s REALLY disturbing… anyway… somebody leaked a video of the party to the media…. and I had security take everybody’s cell phone….
ME: people are so low….
HER: Well wait to you hear this.. promise not to tell anyone… (tells me a VERY JUICY sordid secret involving some of these young celebrities)
ME: Wow… what would her mamma think? What would his mamma think? God I wish I had lower morals…. I would so sell this to Perez Hilton…
HER: Can morals be any lower than yours?
ME: they could be as low as your panties…
HER: WHY do I call you?
ME: For fashion tips and reliable fellatio mentoring…
HER: the cake was 9 inches….
ME: that’s a cupcake….
HER: It was the biggest they had…. I just texted you a picture of it….
ME: Oh well at least its my favorite flavor…. thick.