Non Listening Skills

(Me and The Evil Badger)
ME: (leaving a message on his voicemail) You’re not picking up you are probably man scaping.
HIM: (calls back) I was not man scaping, I was getting my SUV polished, which is an extension of my penis. 
ME: I wasn’t going to say it.
HIM: Yes you were. Now listen. I want to go to a soul food restaurant and have some real collard greens. 
ME: I can cook some real collard greens.
HIM: No I mean with smoked Turkey and
ME: Walter, I have been cooking collard greens since I was 10. i cook collard greens once a week. I love collard greens.
HM: Seriously?
ME: I am all the time telling you I just cooked a mess of greens. What part of I am Black don’t you understand.
HIM: What part of I only pretend to listen to you, don’t you understand?

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