Partialist

(Me & Wally the Evil Badger) 
HIM: I just got a call from the physicians you saw at Jules Stein.
ME: What did they say
HIM: They said they didn’t recognize you without excessive eye make-up, and on your knees sobbing and screaming, “I just want to see another sunset, over Lake Michigan” when your problem was you wearing too much mascara…(laughs)
ME: I thought I had glaucoma, AND That was almostTHIRY YEARS AGO!! I want that incident expunged from my UCLA medical records.
HIM: Listen I don’t care what undue leniency you’ve experienced with our floundering legal system caused by Americans inability to grasp the essential thought driving jurisprudence…. but Hospitals do not expunge records.
ME: Undue leniency? I was arrested for Jay-Walking once
HIM: Well obviously they let you out so quit your belly aching.
ME: Belly aching?… driving while black is bad enough… but WALKING while black come on…
HIM: See that attitude personifies the moral decay in America… breaking the law is the issue…. not how ridiculous the law is… that explains a lot
ME: Yeah… totally explains why you binge watch C-Span

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