Navy’s Birthday

(Me & Wally The Evil Badger Cardio;gist)

10672200_307455559459197_8276914226726327461_nME: I forgot the Navy’s Birthday!

HIM: Wow, and you’ve always been such a safe haven for Seaman

ME: That are lots of  Navy personnel that never go to sea.

HIM: I was taking about semen with two e’s and no a

ME: You’re a dick.

HIM: How fortunate for you.

ME: Don’t flatter yourself.

HIM: I never do that’s why God made women.

ME: I feel so bad about missing the birthday of the Navy

HIM: What is it about you and sailors

ME: You mean what was it  I haven’t done a sailor in 30 years. I probably can’t even open a pair of Cracker Jacks with my teeth.

HIM: What’s that got to do with anything?  You shouldn’t be eating Cracker Jacks anyway. Horrible processed food.

ME: Cracker Jacks are what sailors call the service uniforms they wear that are like the ones on the Cracker Jack Box.

HIM: I thought there was only one.

ME: No there’s three types, working, service and the dress uniform.

HIM: What about the undressed uniform… I am sure you saw a lot of THAT one.

ME: Oh haha… There was a time when I could recognize the 11 rates and ranks and 5 chief warrant officer insignia from a block way..

HIM: Rates and Ranks?  I thought they had the ranks and you had the rates

ME: Yes and no, actually the sailors insignias differ according to pay grade.

HIM: Seriously? Who knows that?

ME: An ethical whore.  I had  a sliding scale…

HIM: Seriously? An ethical whore? ONLY YOU would think that that’s a possibility.

ME: Only you would not realize that we are all whores… just a matter of venue and price.

HIM: Whatever.  I am not going to try and make you understand logic today. Now I have to go, there’s a muff waiting for a dive mission.

ME: Disgusting.  Poor girl.

HIM: You mean lucky girl, I am the Navy Seal of muff divers. the ultimate  muff-meister.  And THAT is a matter of ethics.

ME: How so?

HIM: You should always finish eating your muff because there are horny people in third world countries.

ME: You are a 3rd world country.. The United States of Sleaze, Arrogance and Oblivious

HIM: Says the guy whose seen more naked sailors than the showers at Camp Pendleton

ME: Camp Pendleton is a marine base.

HIM: And of course you would know that.  (Rolls his eyes)

ME: I will not apologize for my enlistment.

HIM: What? You never enlisted in the military.

ME: No, they enlisted in me…

 

 

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