(Me and Wally the Evil Badger)
HIM: I am so depressed.
ME: I was earlier, but I’m better now.
HIM: I’m thinking about going back to church, can you recommend one?
ME: Well my parish is St. Augustine’s cause that’s where I live, you should try St. Monica’s, it’s a little liberal for my taste.
HIM: What do you mean?
ME: I like the old catholic stuff, latin mass, strict traditional ceremony, lots of toys, pageantry, confession, and repentance…
HIM: I’m just going to get laid.
ME: The try Our Lady of the Lake in Malibu, or St Martin Tours in Brentwood, or Corpus Christi in the Palisades… Or there’s a church in Venice.. now don’t judge it…
HIM: I’ve already judged it Venice…. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
ME: I know, I don’t like that bohemian aspect of Venice, reminds me of all of things I disliked about Ann Arbor, natural fibers, and hippies and things..
HIM: I hated that bohemian aspect of Madison, so I don’t want some tattooed skank from the Catholic church in Venice.
ME: Well you don’t know she’ll be a skank… besides you should not be going to church to pick up women who does that
HIM: EXACTLY! They’re guard will be completely down. So hook me up… what’s the right church.
ME: I have no idea because I do not go to church for the right reasons.
HIM: You go t0 St. Augustine’s, you’re closer to St. Gerard Majella.
ME: I know but its tacky on inside and I hate the name.
HIM: Fair enough. You know I’m thinking about male genital mutilation
HIM: I was circumcised. If I hadn’t been circumcised my penis might be a lot longer.
ME: Circumcision does’t make penises shorter. Uncircumcised penises just look longer… but they really aren’t.
HIM: Well still, I feel mutilated. They cut off part of my dick without asking me.
ME: Correction, they cut off part of your penis, which is the little thing between your legs, everything that surrounds that is dick.