Dr Gordon has only done research with one animal, a mouse, known as “Li’l Druggie”. The renegade rebellious genetically altered rodent is the source of much controversy in the research community. Apparently Li’l Druggie escaped from his cage and accidentally over-imbibed on yohimbine and proceeded to sire a number of over CRF-expressing offspring, who are genetically pre-disposed to yohimbine dependence. These feral mice are now running wild throughout the hospital, in search of yohimbine and said to be compulsive overeaters as well as biologic reproductive function addicts.
Center for Sex Research Experts speculate that Li’l Druggie may suffer from a previously undiagnosed biological reproductive sexual function addiction, which has led to the mainstream media nicknaming the troubled rodent, “The Furry Fiend.” Among the CSR’s concerns are that Li’l Druggie will seek coital congress with anything bearing the name “mouse,” or that resembles a mouse.
Insider sources say that Disney will be filing charges in criminal and civil court revolving around an unfortunate incident involving Mickey Mouse that cast aspersions on the famous rodent’s sexual orientation, following a public altercation between Mickey & Mighty Mouse, during which Mighty Mouse made the shocking statement, “I am Li’l Druggie’s bitch, and there ain’t no other bitch, and Mickey Mouse needs to know that he ain’t nothing but Li’l Druggie’s gutter bitch.”
Minnie Mouse is extremely distraught by the comments but assures Disney that her relationship with Mickey Mouse is stable, despite no children. UCLA has declined comment on the unfortunate incident but assures the media they are looking into the matter with the utmost concern and scrutiny. If you see L’il Druggie, do not try to capture him. Call the authorities.