The L Word

The Happy Couple

“The M Word”

I, (insert name of fool #1), take you, (insert name of fool #2), to be my (husband/wife/whatever) to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Celebrate!

 

Heartless

Me & Wally The Evil Badger Cardiologist) ME: Why did you deactivate my heart monitor HIM: Because in defiance of all clinical wisdom, your heart is fine, all things considered. ME: Seriously? HIM: Seriously. (perplexed) I JUST don’t get it. According to all of my medical training you should... Read More ››

Presidents

HIM: Did you know George Washington’s Teeth were actually made of elephants tusk not wood? ME: Glad we cleared that up. Who gives a damn. HIM: And Thomas Jefferson spoke 6 languages? ME: I heard he was packing. HIM: What? Where would you hear something like that? ME: At... Read More ››

Black Christmas

(ME being Santa Claus at a Mall in the hood with a Little kid) ME: Ho, ho, ho… Merrrrrrry Christmas HIM: Are you a blood? ME: No I’m not a blood? HIM: Then why you wearing red? ME: Cause I’m Santa Claus… HIM: So. This is Crip turf… You... Read More ››

Obsession

HIM: What’s wrong with Julie? ME: Michigan beat Northwestern in OT HIM: Really? I thought she didn’t care about football. ME: Oh PLEASE. What do you think those purple and white balloons were about. HIM: What purple and white balloons? ME: In 1996 when Northwestern went to the Rose... Read More ››

Big Sis

(Me and My Sister) The phone rings: it’s 6:00 a.m. I’ve been up writing until 4:00 a.m. ME: (thinking: this had better be God with money and coffee) Hello… Dr. Gordon… HER: What’s my doctor’s name? ME: Huh (coming into consciousness)Oh…Good morning sis. HER: What’s my doctor’s name? ME:... Read More ››

Trojans

ME: UCLA beat USC HIM: Fuck you, and the rest of you UCLA people. ME: I’m not a UCLA person HIM: You work there. You are a UCLA person. ME: No, I’m a Michigan man. I do NOT care about ANY college but my alma mater….Michigan who killed Iowa... Read More ››

Bitchin’ Ride

HIM: My car died. It’s something electrical, My mechanic can’t get to it until Monday, I have to work tomorrow, I have school on Monday, I wanted to surf with Tucker on…. ME: Relax, take a breath, just drive my car. HIM: I hate driving your car. ME: My... Read More ››

All About Trust

ME: Wake up! Wake Up! It’s an emergency. HIM: Huh? What? What’s going on? ME: It’s 12 hours and 34 minutes until THE GAME. HIM: What game? ME: What game? WHAT game. THE GAME. HIM: It’s late I’m exhausted and i have to be up at 5:00 a.m. to... Read More ››

Lucky Shirt

ME: Hello. HIM: Hi honey it’s me. ME: Why are you calling me from work? HIM: I wrecked your car. Well i didn’t wreck it. I parked it on the break wall and forgot to put it in park and it rolled into the LA Harbor. ME: Oh that’s... Read More ››

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